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Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy.’ So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy.’
One little boy stood up and offered: ‘If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.’
‘No,’ said Obama, ‘that would be an accident.’
A little girl raised her hand: ‘If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.’
‘I’m afraid not,’ explained Obama. ‘That’s what we would call great loss.’
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. ‘Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?’
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: ‘If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.’
‘Fantastic!’ exclaimed Obama. ‘That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?’
‘Well,’ says the boy, ‘It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss…and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.’
Fred and Mary get married but can’t afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dads for the night.
In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, “No”.
Johnny asks, “Do you know what I think? ” His mom replies, “Never mind what you think! Just go to school.”
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, “Is Fred and Mary up yet?” She replies, “No.”
Johnny says, “Do you know what I think?” His mom replies, “Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school.”
After school, he comes home and asks, “Is Fred and Mary up yet?” His mom says, “No.”
Johnny asks, “Do you know what I think?” His mom replies, “OK! What do you think?”
He says, “Well, last night Fred came in for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.”
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)
Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
Oliver’s Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?”
“Eight,” the boy replied.
The man continued, “do you know what these are used for?”
The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either.”
Here are the winners of this year’s Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational, which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
I know most of you are dog lovers and will help.
Our neighbor, a widow woman, has lost her Chihuahua puppy and is desperate to find him.
Yesterday, she was sitting on the couch watching TV and realized he was gone. She called out to him and he never responded. Then she noticed the back door was open!
She has been putting up signs everywhere in an effort to have him returned.. He answers to the name “Tiny”.
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP
This is, without a doubt, the cutest ass you will ever see…
White black bear!!
THESE PICTURES WERE TAKEN NEAR GORDON, WI.
Not just any mother bear and her cub, but a black bear with a white cub. I don’t know how rare it is for a black bear to have a white cub, but at least we can say we’ve seen it no matter how rare it is! I’m pretty sure the Indian community would go nuts over this.Kind of like a white buffalo. Since there seems to be no sign of a pink nose or eyes, I would say that it is not an albino. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the photos! Pretty unusual and only goes to show some of the neatest packages come as a surprise. Enjoy… I did! Pretty cute eh??
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