After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked his host if he could use his personal bathroom. When he entered Bill Clinton’s private toilet, he was astonished to see that Clinton [...]]]> Several days after President Obama was re-elected president, he went over to see Bill and Hillary Clinton for dinner at their spacious home.

After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked his host if he could use his personal bathroom. When he entered Bill Clinton’s private toilet, he was astonished to see that Clinton had a gold urinal! Wow!

The next day, Obama told his wife, Michelle, about the urinal in Clinton’s private lavatory. “Just think,” he said, “maybe I should get a gold urinal too.”

But on the other hand I think that it may be just a bit too self-indulgent… even for a guy like me!”

Later in the week, when Michelle had lunch with Hillary, she told Hillary how impressed her husband had been at his discovering that Bill had a gold urinal in his private bathroom.

Later that day, when Bill got home, Hillary smiled and said to Bill, “I found out who pissed in your saxophone.”

In an exclusive interview outside the back gate of the Presidential Residence the 64-year old Mr. Whitey proclaimed his innocence and strongly condemned his firing.

“It all happened [...]]]> James “Jim” Whitey, the head gardener at the White House was dismissed today after 31 years of loyal service to scores of US Presidents and First Ladies.

In an exclusive interview outside the back gate of the Presidential Residence the 64-year old Mr. Whitey proclaimed his innocence and strongly condemned his firing.

“It all happened so fast. I’m still in a daze,” said the bewildered Whitey.

“All I know is, I was getting ready to weed the rose bed outside the Oval Office window like I do every week. I called out to my assistants, ‘Has anyone seen the spade and the hoe?”

And the next thing I knew the Secret Service was hauling my ass off the property.

The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day..

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night.”

Curtis & Leroy [...]]]> Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. And bought a mule for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day..

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night.”

Curtis & Leroy replied, “Well, then just give us our money back.”

The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already..”

They said, “OK then, just bring us the dead mule.”

The farmer asked, “What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?”

Curtis said, “We gonna raffle him off.”

The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead mule!”

Leroy said, “We shore can! Heck, we don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!”

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.

“What’d you fellers ever do with that dead mule?”

They said,”We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.”

Leroy said,”Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.”

The farmer said,”My Lord, didn’t anyone complain?”

Curtis said, “Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back.”

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government!

Limit all politicians to two terms.

One in office
One in prison

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called ‘pullets,’ and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to [...]]]> John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called ‘pullets,’ and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch And fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John’s favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.

To John’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring. He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet surprise as well. Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.

Vote carefully next year, the bells are not always audible.

They told me if I voted for McCain, the nation’s Hope would deteriorate, and sure enough there has been a 20 point drop in the Consumer Confidence Index since the election, [...]]]> I have to be man enough admit it, much as I am chagrined and humbled to do so. My liberal friends were absoutely right.

They told me if I voted for McCain, the nation’s Hope would deteriorate, and sure enough there has been a 20 point drop in the Consumer Confidence Index since the election, reaching a lower point than any time during the Bush administration.

They told me if I voted for McCain, the US would become more deeply embroiled in the Middle East, and sure enough tens of thousands of additional troops are scheduled to be deployed into Afghanistan.

They told me if I voted for McCain, that the economy would get worse and sure enough unemployment is approaching 8.8% and the new stimulus packages implemented recently have sent the stock market lower than at any time since 9-11.

They told me if I voted for McCain, we would see more “crooks” in high ranking positions in Federal government and sure enough, several recent cabinet nominees and Senate appointments revealed resumes of bribery and tax fraud.

Well, I ignored my Democrat friends in November and voted for McCain. And dammit, they were right… all of their predictions have come true. Clearly they are smarter and more knowledgeable of how things work than I. I just feel so stupid…..