The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- [...]]]> Read very very slowly and carefully…

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as ‘Euro-English’.

In the first year, ‘s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favour of ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ‘e’ in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ziz fifz yer , ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pas on to oza pepl.

Mushroom When all my family get in the car, there’s not mushroom.

Shoulder My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn’t know how to read so I shoulder.

Texas My fren always [...]]]> Cheese
The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito replies: Maria likes me, but cheese fat.

Mushroom
When all my family get in the car, there’s not mushroom.

Shoulder
My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn’t know how to read so I shoulder.

Texas
My fren always Texas me when I’m not home wondering where I’m at!

Herpes
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.

July
Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!

Rectum
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!

Chicken
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.

Wheelchair
We only have one enchilada left, but don’t worry wheelchair.

Chicken wing
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.

Harassment
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her harassment nothing to me.

Bishop
My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.

Body wash
I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.

Budweiser
That women over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?

I took a deep breath, then asked…”What did you call it?

“It’s a frickin’ elephant! It says so on the picture!”

And so it does..

” [...]]]> My five-year old students are learning to read. Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,”Look at this! It’s a frickin’ elephant!”

I took a deep breath, then asked…”What did you call it?

“It’s a frickin’ elephant! It says so on the picture!”

And so it does..

” A f r i c a n Elephant ”

Hooked on phonics! Ain’t it wonderful?