Number 8
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 7
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 6
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
They can’t tell them apart.
If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
Number 5
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
Number 4
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday lying in the hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 3
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 2
In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And The Number 1 Thought
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers–
What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow
… and as someone recently said:
“Don’t worry about old age– It doesn’t last that long.”
